Tag Archives: Shoes

Sh!t My Kids Have Ruined

7 Jun

I love my kids dearly.  Really I do.  And I try to teach them to value the pure and honest things in life and to not be materialistic.  But all of my inspirational mumbo jumbo got lost in translation today when I saw my unworn oak brown bcbg pump floating in the toilet.  My heart broke and I cried. So after I made Twin A fish my shoe out of the toilet, it all became so obvious.  My kids have no respect or value for any of our household possessions.  All of the sh!t they’ve messed up popped out as if we were at a 3D movie.

Graffiti'ed walls

Juice on suede couch

Juice, crayons, DNA

My hubby, an avid Jordan sneaker collector, has his shoes stored neatly away in another room and in another closet out of reach from the kids.  He refused to empathize with me and actually chastised me for not keeping my shoes neatly stored in the closet.  Ain’t this about a Bi^@h!  But I got something for all of them!  I’m covering the couches in plastic like Nana use to back in 1988; you know the kind that sticks to your skin if you sit on it too long.  And I’m getting a plastic runner with the pointy things on the bottom that brutally poke your feet if you walk on the wrong side.  And I’m making room in His closet for my pumps, wedges, peep toes, sandals and boots.  My shoes, furniture, walls and TV will no longer fall victim to these ornery kids!

Rule of life #346 Before you drop to your knees and cry uncontrollably like a baby, make sure your kids have left the room.