Tag Archives: parents

Things I Need In My Life

13 Jul

I’m a high maintenance person.  I’m the first to admit that.  People just don’t understand I’m just very very particular:  I like my iced water with cucumbers in it–it takes tap water to the next level.  When I go to the bank, the teller has to count all my money back to me with all the bills facing the same direction otherwise I may get distracted by one wayward bill and lose track of how much money I’m receiving and she may try to get me for $5–take it from a former bank employee, $5 from a few unknowing customers is a great side hustle (so I heard).   I despise foreign debris in the butter–makes me gag.  I hate when people put their chewed up gum on their plate–makes me puke.  And I hate using the bar of soap after it’s fell on the shower floor–so I just stick to liquid body soap.

After getting into a fuss with the hubs this morning about how controlling I am I thought to myself: I am not controlling, I just know exactly what I want and how I want it.  I am my happiest when things are going according to my plan.   All I’m saying is happy wife equals happy life, so I made him this list of the things I need in my life:

Bacon every morning–cooked on the griddle, not too crispy and not too fatty.  Thick and hearty is always good.  *wink wink*

A lifetime supply of Christian Louboutin pumps–and not every shoe with a red sole is a CL.

A strapless bra that can defy the gods of gravity and actually secure my boobs properly and securely.  We may actually be able to get somewhere on time if I don’t have to jump, wiggle and shimmy them to the right place.

Flat abs–If  you would cash in your sneaker collection, I would be able to afford that Lipo and tummy tuck I’ve been waiting 5 years for.

Your undivided attention–when I’m telling you about today’s episode of Wife Swap, I would appreciate it if you’d put down the Xbox stick for just one moment and express a little interest in me.  Spend time with me.  Spend quality effing time with me.

Take care of yourself–don’t go longer than one week without a hair cut, get a mani and pedi and read a book.  I will never be convinced video games exercise your mind.

Take care of me–take out the trash, take the dogs (and the kids) out of the house, organize my closet like you’ve so neatly organized yours, flush the toilet and lower the toilet seat after EACH use.

Watch HGTV with me–you may feel motivated to hang my pictures and sconces that have been boxed up since we moved a year and a half ago.

Teach me sports–You get so frustrated when I ask about Kobe’s field goals but if you would just explain the game to me.  Ok, who am I kidding nix this one.  You know I’m not interested.

Most importantly, keep being you.  Am I asking for too much with my little list?!?

Rule of Life #908 It’s not about sweeping her off her feet, it’s about sweeping the kitchen floor so she can catch up on Real Housewives.

Update:  His response:   http://chrisbarnett2.wordpress.com/2010/07/13/your-wish-is-my-to-do-list/

Things Your Daycare Provider is Secretly Thinking

10 Jun

I’ve been in both roles: a working parent with kids in daycare and as a daycare provider.  But it wasn’t until I became a daycare provider that I realized how parents dismiss the hard work their daycare providers offer.  In my experience, home daycare is a great alternative to the costliness of daycare centers.  If you find the right person who’s trustworthy, credible, creative and kid-friendly (because not all daycare providers are kid-friendly) then you really should value the service they provide and occasionally let them know how much you appreciate them.

All of the following are experiences I’ve actually encountered first hand.  These faux pas are things your provider probably wants to share with you but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings:

  1. Don’t bring your child to daycare if he’s sick.  You knew he had diarrhea and a fever when you left the house.  Save us all time and strain and just keep him home, because you will be called.
  2. Don’t ask “Do I still have to pay when he’s not here?”  Yes you still have to pay, your payment reserves your spot.
  3. When you get off work,  don’t go grocery shopping.  Come and get your kids!  I have a life too and it doesn’t include watching your kids while you run errands.
  4. How many times do I have to hear your outlandish stories as to why you can’t pay.  Oh really, your payroll department forgot to cut you a check, again?  And your debit card got eaten by the ATM machine and soon as you pull up the bank closed–just locked the doors, shut off the lights and closed the blinds on you, huh?
  5. When you come to pick up your child, please don’t walk through my house being nosy and eating the snacks on the kitchen counter.  Stay in the immediate area and patiently wait for your child.
  6. When dropping off, please don’t linger over your crying child.  Yes, your child may cry, but the sooner you leave the quicker they snap out of it and go play.
  7. If you know your car is leaking fluid, please don’t park in my driveway or in my grass.
  8. If you’re going through a divorce or separation, I’m really not interested in your drama as it unfolds each day.  I’m sorry he was addicted to porn and you to food, but this conversation just makes me super uncomfortable.

Rule of life #104 If you choose not to abide by the rules of daycare, you may find yourself knocking on an unanswered door.

Do you have any funny, odd or just weird daycare stories?  I want to hear from you.  Email me!