Tag Archives: monday

Mojitos for the Potluck

21 Jun

This past week my life has consisted of drama and controversy!  I am ready to tackle it.  Head on, with a martini glass in hand!

I made me a cocktail every night last week after my sweetnesses went to bed.  And then got pissed because I had to wake up at 6:30 am.  Reasoning you ask? What can I say, I have a stressful job!  Not to mention it was just one of those weeks.  Truth be told, all day today I dreamt about happy hour.


Our grass is growing so high it looks like I’m growing something illegal (I wish) in the backyard.  The man who we hired to cut our grass claims we owe him money, but according to my records he owes us a cut. When it comes to my business, I am a shark!  It’s hard to prove fallacies with me!  So we’re in dispute over who owes who.  Little does he know it’s his loss.  I’ll just find a crackhead to hire in the interim who will do the same job.  Sorry to be so unethical but it’s all about the cheap labor folks!


My sweetness told me about how her 8-year-old cousin was at day camp pretending to smoke a cigarette.  She demonstrated with her dry erase marker (puffs and all) and I became outraged!

Shouldn’t I be the one breaking in her first smoke?!  I kid.  I kid,  but seriously, I want to be the one to tell her about all the risqué things going on in life!  So I capitalized on the opportunity:

Me: Do you want to be known as the girl who smokes cigarettes with stinky breath and yellow teeth?

Sweetness:  No, eww gross.  Besides I have baby teeth and everyone knows baby teeth don’t turn yellow.  And I’ll just eat a cough drop for my bad breath.  (geez, she’s caught on to my “church breath” cure.  And is she trying to justify smoking?)

Me: (startled she has comebacks, so I have to step my game up) Listen, any kid who thinks smoking is cool will have rotten teeth, bad breath and the tooth fairy will haunt you in your dreams.  You don’t want the tooth fairy to be against you, do you?

Sweetness: (slightly crying) No ma’am.

Me: Well you better not ever smoke!  I mean never!  Ever!

end of discussion. enters dad (the wise  grasshopper of the two) to rectify the situation.


VBS: Vacation Bible School.  I hate to be the one to admit it but I’m so happy my kids have a place to go after day camp!

Rule of Life #208 Don’t be so serious about stuff.  You’ll miss that the joke is really on you!

Thanks June, the originator and creator!!  What would this potluck be without you?!?!?!


Monday Potluck

14 Jun

What What, a blog post that’s entirely created to random thoughts and ideas.  Now that’s my type of post.  This is my first potluck and it took me one week to read and re-read what this is exactly about.  I think I got it!  Just make up my own random stuff and post.  So here goes:

Hi, my name is Queen B and I’m the queen of bitchin’.  Those who know me know that I can’t cook, therefore I’m bringing boiled eggs to the potluck.  Hope you enjoy ’em!

What the hell was I thinking taking all three of my girls grocery shopping.  Midway into shopping the twins got fidgety and restless, so I did what any mother would do to shut them up.  I got a bananana out of the basket, peeled it and gave it to them to eat.  Much to the dismay of their 6-year-old big sister:

“Are you going to pay for that” she asked.

“Well yes I am, don’t you see I have the bananas in the basket” I replied.

“I don’t know how you’re going to pay for the ones they eat.  You know what’s that called right?” she proceeded.

I know where she’s going with this conversation but I try to ignore her.  “What kind of cereal do you want?” I attempted to change the topic.

“Fruit loops.  I want you to know if you let them eat those bananas and you don’t pay first, that’s called stealing.  Mema said we don’t steal.  Jesus does not like stealers”  she ranted.

I replied, “You are absolutely right, but if you don’t tell anyone about the bananas, I won’t tell anyone  about the bag of hot fries you’re chomping on!” We shake hands and it’s a deal.

I’ve got to start keeping an extra supply of batteries in the house.  Sweetness had company and her friend wanted to play with her leapster but the batteries in it were dead.  To keep the happiness going (because you know how quickly playtime with 5 & 6 year old girls can turn for the worst) I ran to “moms secret chest” and got some batteries out of  one of my “personal” gadgets.  Before you judge, It doesn’t matter where the batteries came from, all that’s important is that mom saved the day!!

My poor husband being the minority species, finds solace in basketball, xbox and “daddy time”.  He just can’t catch a break.  Even our dogs are bitches.

Don’t people know that CONVERSATE is not a word!  It drives me nuts when people say this word. Please correct them if you hear this word being used!

I know my cookings is bad, but what does it mean when the dogs won’t even eat my scrambled eggs?

While cleaning her room, I realized my sweetness hoarded my lip glosses in her capri sun backpack.  She was like a mobile cosmetic counter at school.  Wonder what her hustle will be now that school is over?

Shoutout to Hwillmama for encouraging me to participate and June Cleaver Nirvana for starting this silliness and for the how-to’s and the badges!