Tag Archives: Life

Wrap Beef

7 Jan


There are some things that women do that’s necessary for them to stay fab and beautiful.  It may not look appealing and it may seem ridiculous, but men need to know that it’s necessary for these things to be done.  Case in point…I spend $30-$40 every two weeks to get my hair done.  To preserve my luscious locks and to make my hair style last, I wear a satin scarf or bonnet on my head.  I wear it on my “narci” days, when I’m cleaning and when I give my kids a bath (you don’t know the level of pissed one can be when her kids splash bath water on her mane).   I take a lot of pride in my hair.  This is nothing new, I’ve done it for years.  However just recently it was brought to my attention that my hair wraps are sort of a buzz kill in the bedroom.  As I was getting ready for bed one night I attempted to spark a pretty random convo that was the perfect setup for the hubs to get him some that night.  I just knew he was gonna make me feel special…um yea right:

Me (while getting ready for bed): What do you love about me?

Him: Your dedication to that thing on your head.

(baffled because I was waiting for him to talk about my flawless beauty or the way my legs look in my Jessica Simpson pumps–yes this convo was initiated from a very narcissistic place)

Me: Wait–What?  You mean my scarf?

Him: Yep.

Me: What don’t you like about my scarf, I’ve always worn it to bed.

Him: Yep. That’s the problem.

You see, although I take pride in my appearance, my nighttime habits were affecting my relationship.  My husband had beef with my head-wraps.  Men are apparently visual creatures.  The sight of us looking like Aunt Jemima just isn’t attractive or romantic to them.  And while some of us have strict bedroom rules when it comes to our manes (i.e., don’t pull too hard and nothing in the hair *wink wink*) sometimes we need to be snapped back to reality and reminded that not only should we look fly for ourselves, but also for our man.  While I can’t promise to never wear it to bed (who wants their hair to look frizzy and raggedy the next day?) I can compromise by holding off from putting it on…for a few minutes.

Is Kwanzaa Still Relevant?

29 Dec

Growing up we didn’t celebrate Kwanzaa and I didn’t know too many families that did.  Every once in a while my aunt would pull out her kinara and would decorate her shelf with plastic props to symbolize the harvest.  Of course I learned the diluted version of the meaning in school, but the true principles were never really taught to me from someone who was knowledgeable about the history or its practices.  I remember asking my mother to celebrate it because I wanted to get more gifts in the days following Christmas.  Kwanzaa was like a trivial made-up holiday.  I remember in the fifth grade, during our Kwanzaa “teaching” one of my black classmates yelled out “My mama said real Africans don’t even celebrate Kwanzaa, African Americans made it up to try to be like them”.  And trying to be like someone else was definitely something I was not.

Though the sentiment stuck with me for many years to follow, this year was a tad different.  I researched the meanings and teachings myself and I wanted to give my daughter an accurate view of what Kwanzaa was really intended to mean.  I don’t even think my 6 year-old’s school even acknowledged Kwanzaa within their Christmas and Hanukkah teachings.  In my attempt to expose my daughter to the principles I didn’t want to overwhelm her.  I’m sure she would have gave me the extreme side eye if I came out draped in kenti clothe and I’m sure my twins would have used the kinara to either gouge out an eye or burn down the house with the lit candles.  I wanted to keep it simple but still teach her about our culture and heritage.

Kwanzaa was developed by professor and activist Dr. Maulana Karenga, during the black nationalist movement in the 1960s.  This was a time when blacks began to stand up and advocate for their rights as Americans.  Kwanzaa commemorates it’s seven principles from December 26-January 1, they are: Umoja (Unity), Kuji-chagulia (Self-determination), Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility), Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics), Nia (Purpose), Kuumba (Creativity), and Imani (Faith).

After giving my daughter a crash course on the seven principles I took her to a Kwanzaa storytelling event performed by the Grios at our local Maya Angelou Public Library.  There was standing room only at the event.  There were old folks and young ones and the Grios entertained them all.  Sharing creative stories, songs and poems that related to the seven principles.  This exposure led my daughter to ask questions once we left.  She was curious about the stories that were told, the wardrobe that was worn and music that was played.  It was the perfect teaching tool.  So as I remind her each day about the principles she can apply in her everyday life, what’s most important that she takes away is the desire to want to learn, the pride for her cultural heritage and the commitment to her community.

First published on http://www.notoriousshe.com/

Dr. Know-It-All

1 Dec

I love that my friends think that I’m the expert at what I do. I’ve only been in the mom game for 6 years and the early childhood education field for 2 years and I’ve been dubbed the kid whisperer. Everyday I get a call or text asking my advice on how to manage a picky eater, what does lime green stinky-doo mean or which age bicuspids start to break through. I wish I could lie and say I’m working on my Ph.D to become a child psychologist, but I know my mouthy daughter would expose me and tell everyone I’m a quack. But I know that I know it all and that’s all that matters  So as I wait for my honorary doctorate degree for my infinite knowledge and wisdom on kids, here’s the latest convo between myself and one of my professional friends.

Her: “Kaleb has been a night owl lately. He refuses to go to sleep and stays up to like 1 am. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up with him.”

Me: “Man that sucks.”

Her: “Yea I know, especially when I’ve got to be at work at 8 am. Did your girls go through this phase?”

Me: “No. And if they did–then I completely missed it because I was probably sleep.”

Her: “Well what do you suggest I do?”

Me: “Girl, that’s easy…one word: Benadryl!”

Friends–how many of us have them?

4 Nov

One of my besties doing my makeup on my wedding day

I have started a new chapter in my life.  I recently launched my new eMagazine (YAY ME!!).  I got my twinsie’s potty trained (YAY one step closer to school).  And sweetness and I have started writing her book (Junie Beatrice Jones has nothing on my first grader).

For the past three years I have dedicated my life and soul to my kids.  A very drastic change for me.  I was always a free-spirit.  The life of the party.  The social butterfly.  The “it” girl.  But when I got married, had the twins and moved into a house, I thought the “right” thing for me to do was to take care of my family in a domestic sort of way.  Problem is, domestic just isn’t me.  I can only make meatloaf; I wash-dry-but don’t fold laundry and I don’t make my bed everyday.

While I love being home with my kids, how appropriate is it that I read Cosmo’s “5 bedroom tricks that will make his toes curl” while my kids are in the bath tub??  To add insult to injury I knew I had to do something when sweetness asked if I needed some more mommy juice (wine)–I may not have high standards, but a 6-year-old bartender is where I draw the line…she should at least be 10.

So I branched out.  Connected with a circle of friends.  All sassy and unique in their own ways, but all offering me with what I so desperately needed in my life.  Intellectual stimulation with some divalicious girlie-girl sprinkled on top.  As I sit back and think of all the phenomenal women in my life I know they were all sent to me for a reason.

I have married friends and all we do is talk about our single friends (just kidding!!).  I have single friends and they keep me young, fun and hip.  I have academic friends who keep that JD and Ph.D dream in the forefront of my mind.  I have SAHM friends who know me as the meatloaf diva.  She also knows all the Nick Jr. theme songs and whenever she’s feeling gloomy you just tell her “everybody makes mistake, everybody has bad days” and it actually cheers her up.

Though I may not speak with all of these ladies regularly (we need to do better ladies!!), they each have a special place in my heart.  It’s the text that says ‘hey just thinking about you’ , or the FB message that simply says ‘Aonya Monique’ , or the IM that says “martini’s. tonight. 8 sharp!”, I’m just so happy to have them in my life!

So to Ashley, Tamara, Angela, Kenya, LaShona, Heidi, Maya, Felicia, Brittany, Whitney, Christa, Janel, Tina, Moniqueka–So grateful to have you all in my life! We’ve laughed, cried and some of us have gotten belligerently drunk together…and at the end of the day I cherish you! My sistah friends!

Venus vs. Mars: What You Won’t Do Another Chick Will Pt I

20 Oct

I don’t ever want to think about what I would do if I ever had to handle infidelity within my marriage.  If history serves me correctly, I tend to get quite psychotic when it comes to my family.  So if there were ever an intruder in my union, please believe she’d be dealt with.  Right after I unleash a WWE style ass kicking on my husband.  My husband and I talk about infidelity once a quarter.  Normally, it’s just a reminder that I’m liable to cause major damage if such a situation arose.

So during our meeting for this quarter he had the audacity to say “Well women won’t have to worry about their men cheating if they are taking care of business.  Nine times out a ten his mistress can teach you something”.  *cue the Xanax-kush-vodka cocktail*  This man has lost his mind!!  But I wanted to indulge him, here’s what he had to say:

“What she’s not willing to do, there’s another woman that’s more than willing.” Whether you want to admit it or not, that saying is 10000% true.  In my opinion, the only way to avoid that other woman is just to do what he asks you to do. As long as he’s willing to fulfill your needs and fantasies, I don’t see a problem with it. If you’re one of those stubborn women that refuse, then chances are that he has a woman on the side that doesn’t have a problem role playing, dressing up, or whatever it is he’s asking you to do. Don’t be mad at him, or her, honestly it’s your fault. You want to know what I would recommend?  What I would recommend doing, take notes from his mistress.  Yes, seriously……take notes. The mistress could suggest a few things that’ll add a firework show to your relationship that you can’t even imagine. Maybe a few things such as:

Role Play – Sometimes we men (at least I have)  dream about getting pulled over by a sexy female cop and getting out of a ticket, or staying after class for some extra credit, etc. There’s nothing wrong with it. It can actually be fun if you get rid of the ‘I’m too good for that’ attitude.   Be that cop, or that teacher for one night and see where it gets you!!!

Get Rid of Those Granny Panties – We don’t want to see that. We grew up wearing tighty whities and granny panties aren’t doing anything except taking us back to our childhood–not where we want to be when it’s time to get it going.  Women know how easily we get excited. Give us something exciting to look at.

Get Those Sexy Underwear and Walk Around Them – This goes back to what I said in the last paragraph. Eye candy is always great! It’s even better because we get to watch you walk that walk that turns us on, hips switching from side to side.

Send Him Naughty Text Messages and Pics – This will keep his mind on you all day.  Things gets bored as hell in that office all day.  Sending him a sexy text message to let him know what to expect after work would put a huge smile on his face! So will sending him a picture of what’s waiting for him after work. On that same note, don’t refrain from continuing any conversation that your text message may start. There’s no point of starting something you’re not willing to finish.

Give Head – Nothing irritates him more than hearing “I don’t feel like it!!” There’s no reason not to. A mistress has NO PROBLEM DOING IT!!! At home, in the kitchen, in the car, at the movies, in the changing room, it doesn’t matter. Just do it!!

Not to say I have a mistress that does this for me–but even if I did–what me and the nanny does is nobody’s business!!!! Anyway ladies, you have 2 options; either keep him happy or learn from your man’s mistress.

While he had some valid points, I smell male dominance all over this piece.  Is this really how our men think of us?  If the woman doesn’t act right on to the next one?! First off, the assertion that a mistress would even be an option speaks to the greed and entitlement men feed into.  Clearly there needs to be two parts to this complex controversy.  Part II coming soon.

This Goes Out to the Baby Daddy’s

9 Sep

Someone close to me has a baby’s mama who abides by the trifling baby mama handbook.  You know the rules:

1) Get him for child support

2) Don’t allow him to see the child (despite a court order)

3) Use the child to control  him to do the things that benefit you

This trifling baby mama club is a true sorority and these chicks will have you shocked at their crazy antics.  Here’s the background: they were young and dumb and in lust and not knowing it wasn’t love.  At current they aren’t together and their relationship is a tumultuous one, but he tries to man up to his responsibilities while she tries to thwart any attempts he makes to be a constant figure in his child’s life.  “What kind of woman would do such a thing?” you ask…we all know the importance of a father being in a child’s life–especially a black child.  Not to mention the child is selfishly stripped from experiencing an entire side of her family.  You see, I empathize with the child because my father was missing in action (his choice) but my mother made sure I spent time with my paternal grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.  Even though he wasn’t there, some of my fondest and most memorable experiences were with them.  To this day I still have a loving and close relationship with my father’s mother.

You would think, only someone of unsound mind would put her child’s necessities last.   Baby mama syndrome runs deep in this chicks blood and you could easily blame it on ignorance and nature.  But she too grew up without a father.  She personally knows and pain that comes with having an absentee father…so why would she resort to perpetuating the vicious cycle?  I’m no therapist but I’ve already diagnosed this chick with a few psychological disorders: pathological liar, multiple personalities, bipolar, narcissism, trichotillomania (I don’t know about this one, that’s just my over-zealous psych 112 from five years ago trying to impress you ).

Here’s my point, I can’t help but to feel pity for men who encounter this problem…wanting to be a positive figure in his child’s life, but are put through the ringer by selfish bitches chicks.  See I can’t even call her a woman, because real women know despite the grief and heartache you may have experienced in your relationship with him, that should never impose on his relationship he has with his child.  Suffice it to say if it there’s violence and abuse that’s another case but that’s not the situation here.  We praise women for putting the ‘S’ on their chest and being baby mama’s (yes thank you Fantasia for the theme song), but we overshadow and negate the efforts and presence of the fathers who are actually there…or at least trying to be.

So this blog does not go out to my baby mama’s ( I was one…until he put a ring on it) this goes out to the baby daddy’s.  Who work hard to (try to) keep up with that child support.  And who picks up an extra job to pay those attorney and court fees where he had to advocate for himself and his paternal rights.  And to those who cherish the time he spends with his little one despite the adversity that may come his way.  Fellas, I hope you all continue to take care of your responsibilities and showcase just how important fatherhood is to you but most importantly to your little one!

//

The Things Men Do

30 Aug

Men are loving, caring, funny and sweet.  And while us women love them with all our hearts, their foolish and shocking antics leave us with lots to talk about.  It’s never a dull moment when a man is around, and we can’t help but to sit back and laugh, roll our eyes, shake our heads or drop our jaws at  their crazy occurrences of ridiculousness.

  • Picks his toes, flicks it and measures the velocity of the flick…and to top it off, he’ll most likely smell the toe debris before throwing it behind the couch in the trash.
  • Stays up til 2 am to watch The Godfather when he knows he has to be at work at 8am.
  • Takes you on a “date” to  an all-in-one peep show/sex shops/adult video store–his idea of a romantic night.
  • Places his  hands in his pockets to scratch his balls–a suave move in his book and a head-shaking one in ours.
  • Changes the channel or close the laptop really quickly when he hears footsteps approaching.
  • Hops up off the couch with super fast speed as you walk through the doors to portray that he’s been doing something other than being a lazy ass couch potato .
  • Washes his hands and accidentally splashes water on the lower part of his shirt creating an appearance  that he’s pee’d on himself.
  • Lives vicariously through video games–Madden Superbowl games are taken seriously.  You would think he was personally on the field.
  • Brags about his driving skills when you both know he failed driver’s ed–twice.
  • Offers to baby sit–his own child(ren).
  • Buys a purse out of the truck of a stranger’s car…and then offer it up to his special lady as a birthday present.
  • Tries to wipe with the strands of toilet paper that are glued to the roll.
  • And then refuses to replace the empty toilet paper roll with a new one.