Tag Archives: Fashion

Sh!t My Kids Have Ruined

7 Jun

I love my kids dearly.  Really I do.  And I try to teach them to value the pure and honest things in life and to not be materialistic.  But all of my inspirational mumbo jumbo got lost in translation today when I saw my unworn oak brown bcbg pump floating in the toilet.  My heart broke and I cried. So after I made Twin A fish my shoe out of the toilet, it all became so obvious.  My kids have no respect or value for any of our household possessions.  All of the sh!t they’ve messed up popped out as if we were at a 3D movie.

Graffiti'ed walls

Juice on suede couch

Juice, crayons, DNA

My hubby, an avid Jordan sneaker collector, has his shoes stored neatly away in another room and in another closet out of reach from the kids.  He refused to empathize with me and actually chastised me for not keeping my shoes neatly stored in the closet.  Ain’t this about a Bi^@h!  But I got something for all of them!  I’m covering the couches in plastic like Nana use to back in 1988; you know the kind that sticks to your skin if you sit on it too long.  And I’m getting a plastic runner with the pointy things on the bottom that brutally poke your feet if you walk on the wrong side.  And I’m making room in His closet for my pumps, wedges, peep toes, sandals and boots.  My shoes, furniture, walls and TV will no longer fall victim to these ornery kids!

Rule of life #346 Before you drop to your knees and cry uncontrollably like a baby, make sure your kids have left the room.

 

Swimsuit Ideas for those who Forgot to do their Pilates

5 Jun

I slipped on my swimsuit today for the first time in about a year and cot damn all I could think of was creating a magic potion to shrink my muffin top and thunder thighs.  Since January I’ve vowed, broken, re-vowed and divorced the idea of exercising and losing weight.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my curves and DD’s (and so does the He), but I recognized that  I need to be a size healthy.  I know I’m not in this boat alone.  It’s not too late to get started on shaping up, but here are some fashionable ideas to cover those less than flattering lumps and bumps. (Side note: I’m aware that many of the chicks in these pics don’t represent the average woman.  I chose the best swimsuit types that would best fit different body types.)

For the bikini-types at heart, but that baby fat has you thinking differently.  Here are some cute options that aren’t the conventional one pieces.

I’m partial to the one-piece swimsuits.  They’re classic and can flatter all body-types.  After much searching I found a couple I liked here and here.

Cover ups have become chic and stylish.  Here are a few that are trendy not spendy.

Big girls have fun too! And we look good while doing it.  Here are a few plus size suits that accentuate all the right parts.

My kiddos have already forewarned me we’re going to be spending our lives at the pool for the next three months.  So if you’re anything like me, you want to look good and feel comfortable while having fun.  No tugging here and pulling there and definitely no wardrobe malfunctions.  Have fun, be safe, and look fab!  Rule of Life #1143 Confidence is like your AmEx card, never leave home without it!