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I gave my kids a terrible present

13 Dec

Why do I always miss an opportunity to play mind tricks on my kids only to exploit their emotions on the world wide web?!?!  In the latest episode of Jimmy Kimmel’s ‘piss your kids off so we can laugh at your shitty parenting skills’, parents were told to give their kids an early Christmas present, but it had to be a terrible gift.  I got a few chuckles, but the last little boy was clearly perturbed….well here you just watch:

Thou Shalt Not Sag

11 Jul

I haven’t seen sweetness all day because she spent the afternoon with her Mema, and soon as she walks through the doors, there I am with open arms and a smile…I missed my baby.  The first thing out of her mouth is “why don’t you have on a bra with those boobs?”

Um, okay…I missed you too, brat.

Dr. Know-It-All

1 Dec

I love that my friends think that I’m the expert at what I do. I’ve only been in the mom game for 6 years and the early childhood education field for 2 years and I’ve been dubbed the kid whisperer. Everyday I get a call or text asking my advice on how to manage a picky eater, what does lime green stinky-doo mean or which age bicuspids start to break through. I wish I could lie and say I’m working on my Ph.D to become a child psychologist, but I know my mouthy daughter would expose me and tell everyone I’m a quack. But I know that I know it all and that’s all that matters  So as I wait for my honorary doctorate degree for my infinite knowledge and wisdom on kids, here’s the latest convo between myself and one of my professional friends.

Her: “Kaleb has been a night owl lately. He refuses to go to sleep and stays up to like 1 am. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up with him.”

Me: “Man that sucks.”

Her: “Yea I know, especially when I’ve got to be at work at 8 am. Did your girls go through this phase?”

Me: “No. And if they did–then I completely missed it because I was probably sleep.”

Her: “Well what do you suggest I do?”

Me: “Girl, that’s easy…one word: Benadryl!”