No Bitchin’ For One Day

26 Aug

I tried not bitchin’ for one full day.  And by mid-morning I felt like I was on some type of sabbatical quest to unearth a lost treasure.  It just seemed impossible.  At days end my blood pressure was categorically high, my fuse was short and my patience was worn thin; holding my tongue all day was like eating soup with a fork.  Here’s the background on what inspired my ambitious journey:  I can be seen as an aggressive person, an attribute I actually take pride in.  It’s a great way to weed out the simple-minded people who try to bring weakness into your life.  I consider myself  strong not feeble; mouthy not timid, assertive not passive, confident not self-loathing. So when it was brought to my attention that I push people away with my “hard-to-swallow” personality, I decided to test myself.  Be a tad docile for a day and see where it gets me.  So basically no bitchin’.  (xanax time)

Ok, great here we go:  The morning started off well.  Nothing too overwhelming happened…I mean I could have griped about the toothpaste residue in the bathroom sink, or his drawers on the bathroom floor, or the wet foot prints in front of the shower door– but I didn’t.  I just cleaned up the mess and threw his dirty laundry in the basket.  I could have got started when sweetness demanded I cut the crust off her sandwich–a grievance I guess she’d harbored since the afternoon before when she had to peel off  her own damn crust—*gasps* oh so earth shattering, but I replied with a “yes sweetie”.    Then in my downtime I got on the computer to check out my social networks.  And while I wanted to honestly and bluntly comment on some of the fuckery that I was seeing online, I knew I had an ultimate goal in mind and people who I don’t even care about weren’t going to take my eye off the prize.

And at the end of the day….I wish I could say I felt enlightened, relaxed, overcome with joy, but I didn’t… I felt the effin’ same.  In fact I felt worse, because I couldn’t be who I truly wanted to be.  All of the suppressed bitchin’ created a negative energy field for me.  There’s a reason women like me can’t hold their tongue, we will  freaking stroke out if we did.  I, personally don’t bitch just to bitch, my goal is to make everything better ( isn’t this such a distorted way of thinking).  So much to the dismay of my husband I’m back to the old me and the “no bitchin'” me is long gone.  I’m sure the hubs thought this little experiment was going to last a few days maybe even weeks to which I reply “chilllle please!!”


One Response to “No Bitchin’ For One Day”

  1. hwillmama August 26, 2010 at 12:19 pm #

    “…we will freaking stroke out if we did” bwahahahaha
    Now that is the truth.

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