Random Ramblings–ADHD Style

6 Aug

Because I suffer from adult ADHD (self-diagnosed via web MD) my mind is always running.  Rarely do I ever complete a thought unless I really have to.  And I normally have multiple  unfinished tasks and thoughts running through my head because I can’t focus on just one. Here are some of the thoughts that consume my mind in just one hour out of the day…these are just little snippets, believe me it  goes on and on (disclaimer–the following consists of some serious topic jumping, hence the randomness of the subject matter):

I went to get my hair done a few weekends ago at the beauty school and the chick asked me if I wanted a wash and blow job. I thought: what the–she needs to realize those are serious words only to be spoken of and/or acted upon when I need some extra housework done around the house.  I’m giggling so hard I’m sure she thinks I’m crazy…I should tell her what she said and how I interpreted it…But wait what’s this chicks name again?

I wonder why I’m so forgetful.  Even simple things I have a hard time remembering, like people’s names.  More chances than not I’m going to forget a name within the first few seconds of meeting that person.  Because I really did want to know the chicks names I said: “hey give me your number so I can put it in my cell phone…how do you properly spell your name?” To which she replied: “k-a-t-e”….me: “oh, great thanks”.  *looks into purse to put phone back*  This purse is so junky, and so is that cabinet above the stove.  I need to clean it out.

Why do I try to rearrange clutter?  Organizing the clutter in my life actually means I move shit from one corner to a dark and lonely space in the back of my closet…out of sight out of mind.  (while stuffing shit into the back of the closet, I hear dogs barking)  Why the hell are those dogs barking?

Never leave the kids alone for more than ten minutes or you will have a traumatic experience on your hands with the little shih tzu’s…I still don’t know what those girls did to the dogs, but I do know they’ve got this paranoid side-walk that they do when their around the twinsies.  (I go to put the dogs in the kennel and see a spider on the wall.  I scream.  Get the vacuum cleaner and suck the spider up with the hose.  Then I think to myself: “I need to call Billy the Exterminator.  Actually I think I can do this myself and everyone will be so proud.”

Went to home depot to get some anthrax to annihilate the spiders in my house.  So I asked one of the workers with the ‘may I help you?’ tags on and he replies “I don’t work here I work at Walmart.  I’m just a regular customer.”  He laughs and I think “Well take that damn vest and name tag off…you’re confusing people!”

I finally find a home depot associate to which he replies:  “um, I don’t think they package anthrax to be sold in retail stores.”

Me: “You don’t think? (this man is probably thinking I’m some sort of threat to homeland security, yet I insist he finds out) Can you find out please?

Associate:  “No I’m for sure they don’t.”

Me: “Can I special order it and have it delivered to my house?”

Associate: “I don’t know (clearly he’s uncomfortable) but this Bayer spider killer is the best on the market. Try that.”

See what I mean…random and crazy.  And this how I function every minute of the day.  So I’ve taken up yoga to help me concentrate and to ease my rambunctious brain activity… if that doesn’t work I’m trying Prozac and then I wonder if I would qualify for disability if I’m professional diagnosed…and if I qualify for disability I wonder if I can get a handicap sticker?  A handicap sticker would…(and it I never stops)

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3 Responses to “Random Ramblings–ADHD Style”

  1. Hillerie Camille August 11, 2010 at 3:43 am #

    Aonya, you’re blog is so cute!!! I diagnose myself on the internet too. LOL

  2. miniskirtmama August 12, 2010 at 12:04 am #

    Girl, you are too funny!!! I can really see you 1)asking the Wal-Mart employee for help (don’t they wear light blue polos? LOL!) and 2)asking the Home Depot employee where to buy anthrax. LOL! I love it!

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